I’ve had the chance to attend many funerals. Aside from the distinct rituals of each religion, funerals in Vietnam generally follow a tradition where attendees sit together, chat, eat, and share stories about those who are still alive.
However, at most funerals, people gather but rarely mention the deceased (the main figure of the funeral). If they do, it’s usually just a few questions about the cause of death or stories about the deceased’s final years (roughly the last 1 to 3 years before passing).
Based on documents and films I’ve seen about Western funerals, I noticed that they gather together, and the closest relatives stand up to share memories they had with the deceased. For those who have been close to the deceased since childhood, they can even recount the deceased’s life in great detail.
Of course, memories can be both good and bad, but after all the stories, they often conclude with one phrase: “A life well lived.”
So, what does a life well lived look like? How can one live such a life? And how can you ensure that when you pass away, those left behind will share more good memories than bad ones about you?
I happened to listen to a podcast by Ngọc Hiếu where he shared about these four words, “A Life Well Lived.” It’s truly an excellent podcast, and I’d like to share it in written form (with some of my own additions) for you to reference. I’ll include the link to Hiếu’s original podcast at the end of this article.
This podcast episode was truly enlightening for me. It helped me realize the purpose of my life and became the foundation for my journey toward personal freedom. I hope this podcast will help you find something meaningful as well.
The phrase “A Life Well Lived” keeps lingering in my mind.
It made me ask myself: What do I want my life to look like, so that when I pass away, I can smile knowing I’ve lived a life worth living? Gradually, it led me to a bigger question: “How do I want the story of my life to be told?”
I’ll divide the overall picture of A Life Well Lived into three stages:
1. The early years
The early years of life are the most beautiful, from the moment you’re born until you turn 18. Generally, if you’re born into an ordinary family, these years will pass peacefully. You won’t have to worry about life because your family takes care of everything.
“If you’re born poor, it’s not your fault. But if you die poor, it’s your fault.” – Bill Gates
I’m considering a very normal aspect of life, excluding exceptional cases that force you into life’s struggles too early. For most people, these first 18 years will pass as peacefully as possible (I deeply admire those exceptional cases).
During these 18 years, there isn’t much to say about you. The real issues to discuss are what happens around you—your environment and the people in it (family, friends, school, etc.). The real battle begins when you turn 18, and the milestones people mention, the stories about your life, will start from this point.
2. The overall picture of A Life Well Lived
I’ll divide the overall picture of A Life Well Lived into three stages: Investment – Enjoyment and Sharing – Sharing and Handover.
Figure 1: The Overall Picture of A Life Well Lived (Life Path Diagram). @Ngọc Hiếu
However, I want to add that we shouldn’t expect what we draw here to be a fixed blueprint. Let’s not treat it like a house plan, where everything must turn out exactly as drawn. If that were the case, life would be very boring.
Instead, let’s see it as a compass guiding us in a certain direction. Along the journey, we can take detours depending on the conditions and events in each stage of life. But thanks to this compass, our overall journey will still head in a specific direction—one that brings us the most happiness.
In this diagram, I use age milestones as suggestions, not rigid deadlines, because everyone’s life journey is different. Some journeys may be shorter or longer depending on individual circumstances.
3. The stages of A Life Well Lived
3.1. Stage 1: Investment
The first stage is what I call the Investment Stage because, in my opinion, anything in life requires effort to bear sweet fruit. Just like planting a tree, we must diligently sow and nurture it to reap the rewards. In financial terms, to achieve high returns or good results, we must go through periods of tightening our belts and investing.
It would be completely unreasonable to expect sweet fruits later without putting in the effort.
Figure 2: Stage 1 – Investment. @Ngọc Hiếu
Therefore, as soon as you start taking control of your life—right after turning 18, when you receive the key to freedom from your parents to steer your own path—that’s when you must begin this investment stage. So, what should we invest in?
In my view, we should invest in four areas: experiences, knowledge, finances, and mindset. Now, the next question is: What is the most effective way to invest in these four areas?
3.1.1. Investing in experiences: Finding your passion
Let’s revisit the initial question: “How do I want the story of my life to be told?” This is a crucial question that I believe everyone should ask themselves to begin searching for the answer.
If we don’t find an answer to this question—if we don’t know what we want our lives to look like—we’ll keep moving forward in a state of confusion and uncertainty. We won’t know where to go, and when we don’t know where to go, we’ll likely follow the well-trodden paths of others. When we do that, we’re essentially leaving our lives to chance.
If we’re lucky, those paths might lead us to happiness. But if we’re unlucky, they might lead us to places we never wanted to be. By the time we realize this, we might have already spent most of our lives wandering aimlessly.
That’s why, in my opinion, one of the most important goals is to sketch out a rough picture of how we want our lives to unfold. In other words, we need to decide how we want our life story to be told after we’re gone.
The most effective way to answer these important questions is to gather as much “material” as possible. Here, “material” refers to the things that bring us joy and happiness—the more, the better.
Why do I say this? Imagine asking a piano artist how they want their life story to be told. Their answer would undoubtedly revolve around piano and music. Similarly, if we asked Professor Ngô Bảo Châu the same question, I’d guess 90% of his answer would involve spending his life researching mathematics and related fields.
But if we ask a young person who just graduated high school and doesn’t yet know what they like or want, it would be much harder for them to answer.
So, the question “How do I want the story of my life to be told?” is both difficult and easy. It’s difficult if we lack “material”—if we don’t know what we like or are passionate about. It’s easy if we already know what brings us joy and fulfillment.
However, passion is like a mirage in the desert. Everyone knows they need it, everyone wants it, but it’s not easy to find. Some people spend their entire lives searching without ever discovering their passion.
So, the next question is: How do we find our passion? In my opinion, the only way is to experience as much as possible. It’s very hard to stand on the sidelines, observe something, and determine whether we like it or not. The only way to know is to immerse ourselves in it long enough and deeply enough.
Why “long enough” and “deeply enough”? Because in most cases, we can only discover whether we truly enjoy something after experiencing it for a significant amount of time.
For example, take playing a musical instrument. In the beginning, it’s easy to give up because we’re stuck learning the basics, which can feel dry and tedious. We might practice for hours without producing a single melody. This phase can be frustrating. But if we persist, we’ll gradually improve and start finding joy in it.
Over time, that joy can grow into a passion. If we give up too soon, we might miss the chance to discover something we truly love.
On the other hand, even after mastering something, it might not hold enough appeal to keep us going. In that case, at least we’ll have a clear answer to whether it’s truly our passion.
So, in these early years, if you’re still unsure about what you like, just experience as much as possible. Whenever there’s an opportunity to try something new, go for it and see it through. This often requires a significant investment of time and effort.
That’s why, in this diagram, I’ve allocated a large chunk of time—17 years, from age 18 to 35—for exploration and experiences. During this period, we have nothing to lose. We start with nothing, so we might as well experience as much as we can.
Even if we later realize something isn’t for us, it’s still a valuable experience. After all, life is about experiencing as much as possible.
“The distance from age 1 to 18 is 17 years, but the distance from 18 to 35 is an entire lifetime.” – Unknown
Life is a game, and during this stage, we should play as much as possible. The more we play, the higher the chance of finding games we truly enjoy. It’s hard to expect to find our favorite game after just a few tries.
Imagine playing 100 games—you’re bound to find a few you love. Similarly, after experiencing enough over a long enough period, I’m confident you’ll discover your passion.
In fact, I believe it’s entirely possible to find more than one passion through continuous exploration over a long period. And that would be absolutely wonderful.
Some people spend their entire lives without finding a single passion. Sometimes, just one passion is enough to paint the entire picture of our lives.
3.1.2. Investing in knowledge: The ultimate weapon to gain an edge in every field
The second thing we must equip ourselves with is knowledge. I don’t need to elaborate too much on this because everyone knows how crucial knowledge is in life.
We must cultivate a mindset of continuous learning and self-renewal. Especially in the era we live in, access to knowledge is open to everyone, regardless of wealth, age, or gender (unlike in the past, when women were denied education, and studying was reserved for men).
All you need is a computer or even a smartphone with internet access. The playing field for knowledge has become much fairer, so all we need is a proactive mindset and effective methods of learning and research. With these, we can study any field we desire.
Although I’ve placed the learning and knowledge-building phase between ages 18 and 35, the truth is that learning is a lifelong endeavor. I’ve confined it to this period because it’s when you’re most capable of absorbing and learning. As you grow older, factors like age, time, work, and family responsibilities might make learning less efficient. However, if you can still learn, strive to acquire as much knowledge as possible.
3.1.3. Investing in finances: The fuel to sustain your army
Next, another critical task we should start as early as possible is the journey toward financial freedom. We should begin this journey as soon as we step into adulthood. When you earn your first paycheck, start saving and investing immediately.
The first step toward financial freedom is being able to support yourself. This means breaking free from dependence on your family. Whether or not you attend university, start working right after turning 18 to achieve financial independence. To be independent, you only need to cover your basic needs, which is entirely achievable.
You can start with any job. Once you can support yourself, immediately begin saving and building your financial freedom.
As we know, with the right approach, the average financial freedom journey takes about 10 years. In this model, we have a total of 17 years, so I believe that with the right mindset, persistence, and methods, this 17-year period is more than enough to achieve financial freedom.
That’s why we should start our financial journey as early as possible, and it begins with working. Besides providing you with the means to support yourself, working also helps you accumulate invaluable life experiences. These experiences will form the foundation for building a solid mindset for your future.
3.1.4. Investing in mindset development: The foundation and shield for your fortress
From the beginning until now, I’ve always emphasized the importance of mindset. I firmly believe that mindset is crucial. Throughout this period, we should focus on investing in these four aspects: experiences, knowledge, finances, and mindset.
I call these four aspects the essentials of life. By continuously accumulating these essentials, we’ll gradually understand who we are and what we want. From there, we’ll begin to envision the picture of how we want our lives to look.
Now, let’s take a step back and review what we’ve built over these 17 years. First, there are countless experiences we’ve accumulated over this long period. Alongside that is a wealth of deep and broad knowledge we’ve continuously learned and refined.
We’ve also developed a series of solid mindsets, such as the mindset of financial freedom, contentment, freedom from materialism, and more. These mindsets allow us to continuously experience and embrace new things. We’ve also cultivated perseverance and a no-quit attitude, ensuring that whatever we do, we see it through to the end, along with many other mindsets.
Through this continuous process of experiencing and learning, we’ve built an incredibly strong shield of financial freedom behind us. From now on, our lives are no longer influenced by money. Most importantly, ahead of us is a compass—the rough sketch of the life we want to live.
At this point, we know exactly what we want to do and what brings us the most happiness. With these foundations, we can now freely enjoy life in any way we choose.
For example, if we want to build a family, we can do so with the solid foundation of financial freedom. This allows us to provide our family with a comfortable life. Additionally, the mindsets we’ve developed will serve as a strong support system for our family.
Moreover, with the vast knowledge we’ve accumulated, we can educate and raise our children in the best possible way. With such foundations, we can confidently enjoy family life with our loved ones, experiencing the highest levels of happiness.
On the other hand, if family life isn’t our choice, and we prefer business or work, we can freely pursue those paths. We can engage in business with the assurance of having safety nets behind us. With this mindset, we can take on the riskiest ventures without fear.
We can take greater risks than those who gamble their family’s assets, where losing could leave their entire family homeless. I don’t believe those individuals have an advantage in such high-stakes games. They’re always negotiating from a weaker position.
Not to mention, beyond finances, we have a solid foundation of knowledge and useful mindsets, making our business endeavors much more exciting. The key is that throughout this journey, whether we succeed or fail, we’ll always be in a state of enjoyment.
Additionally, with the freedom we’ve built, we can play multiple games simultaneously and still excel at them. We can juggle both business and family life, and with the foundation of passion, knowledge, finances, and mindset we’ve established, we can excel at both—or even more—with ease.
3.2. Stage 2: Enjoyment and sharing
This is the stage where we can reap the rewards of our years of investment and sowing. Thanks to those years of hard work, we now have the freedom to pursue happiness. We are completely free to do anything that brings us joy.
Gradually, this happiness will grow, leading us to the highest levels of the happiness pyramid—when we begin to seek joys that go beyond our own personal happiness.
Figure 3: Stage 2 – Enjoyment and Sharing. @Ngọc Hiếu
When we start finding happiness in creating value for others, we begin to build a second path: the path of sharing. Sharing our happiness with others is when we allow ourselves to think about the legacy we’ll leave behind after we’re gone.
When it comes to sharing, many people might immediately think of charity. However, sharing can take many forms. It could be in science, where we dedicate ourselves fully to researching a solution.
Or it could be founding a company or organization to solve a societal problem. It could even be as simple as sharing the knowledge we’ve accumulated with those around us or with younger generations. In short, sharing can take any form, as long as it brings us happiness and creates value for others.
At this stage, we might gradually shift our focus from our previous main activities and start concentrating more on these sharing activities. The reason is simple: this is when we begin seeking higher levels of happiness. This journey may not always be smooth—it could be bumpy at times.
But even with its challenges, the foundations we’ve built ensure that this journey remains joyful and fulfilling.
3.3. Stage 3: Sharing and succession
When we reach a certain level of development, it will be time to prepare for succession—both for our main activities and our acts of giving. If our main activities revolve around family, succession means passing down the wisdom and principles we’ve spent a lifetime gathering and accumulating to our descendants.
I’m not talking about leaving money for our children and grandchildren. I believe we shouldn’t leave them money. Instead, we should leave them lessons, thoughts, and ways of thinking about learning methods so they can chart their own paths.
With these things, our descendants can start from zero and still lead successful and happy lives. Without these, no matter how much money we leave behind, it will only harm them.
This applies if our main activities are centered around family. If, however, our main activities are not about family but about business, for example, this will be the time to prepare and train the next generation of leaders. We’ll gradually pass on the work we’ve spent a lifetime developing to them.
Figure 4: Stage 3 – Sharing and Succession. @Ngọc Hiếu
Similarly, in our sharing activities, there will come a time when we begin preparing for succession. We want these activities to continue even after we’re gone. Our main goal during this stage is to focus on building these transitions.
After this period, we’ll gradually step back to observe and guide our successors. Slowly, we’ll retreat and watch everything continue to function without us.
This is the time when we can summarize the lessons, experiences, and wisdom we’ve gained. With such a life, these will undoubtedly be invaluable lessons for future generations.
4. Enjoying the final years of life
After completing all the above, we can enjoy the remaining time of our lives. We’ll gently pass the milestone of 70 and savor the extra years, smiling as we await the day we bid farewell to a life well lived.
In any official document of Vietnam, there’s a beautiful phrase: Independence – Freedom – Happiness. What I’ve shared with you today revolves around this very phrase. As soon as we step into life, we should strive for independence as early as possible, starting with financial independence—being able to support ourselves.
Gradually, we achieve independence in thought, knowledge, and mindset. From there, we build the foundations of freedom: financial freedom, freedom from materialism, freedom in thought, and the freedom to live life as we wish, unaffected by external influences.
With freedom, we have a solid foundation to seek happiness for ourselves, and happiness will gradually lead us to fulfillment.
Figure 5: Independence – Freedom – Happiness spread across the A Life Well Lived canvas. @Ngọc Hiếu
Looking back, even in the early stages, the daily journey of self-improvement, witnessing what we’ve invested in and nurtured grow, and gradually reaching our goals—all of this brings us immense happiness.
The result is a life filled with happiness, a life worth living—not just for ourselves but also for those around us.
“Leave this world a better place than we found it.” – Unknown
This phrase means we should strive to leave the world a little better than when we entered it. I believe this is a goal everyone aspires to, though sometimes life’s hardships and daily worries prevent us from thinking about such lofty ideals.
What I’ve shared in today’s episode is a suggestion of another path—one where we can break free from the well-trodden paths and carve our own way to live a more meaningful life.
I’m sharing this path not for you to follow it exactly but to use it as inspiration. From there, you can adjust, add, or subtract to make it fit your unique journey.
I hope today’s insights give you a clearer vision of a path that may lead to greater happiness.
The ultimate goal is to achieve a happy and fulfilling life.
5. Notes
Based on Ngọc Hiếu’s podcast posted on hieu.tv, this article has been adapted to suit my personal perspective. Therefore, the pronoun “I” in this article represents my voice, not Ngọc Hiếu’s.
Here’s the original podcast by Mr. Hiếu. I invite you to listen:
Thank you for reading my sharing, hopefully it has brought more or less useful value to you.
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